Choosing to believe the best

Missionaries go to the field expecting to sacrifice much. They anticipate a lower standard of living and the ache of separation from friends and family. They expect to suffer additional sickness, cultural difficulty, and the emotional challenges their children will face as they adapt to a new language, culture, school, church, and social world. But most also expect that the joy of doing the ministry and seeing the fruit in people’s lives will outweigh these hardships.

Then relational strain within the team enters the picture. Perhaps a fellow missionary questions your methods or criticizes the way you approach ministry. Perhaps they resist giving you the freedom you feel you need to pursue the work God has placed on your heart. Or their personal or family struggles begin to demand more and more of your time and emotional bandwidth, adding strain to an already taxing ministry environment.

You begin to realize that maintaining a healthy relationship with a coworker will require significant time, energy, and intentional effort, and it may also require adjusting some of your expectations for ministry. At times, you may even find yourself wondering, “Is this really what God called me here to do?”

The importance of quality relationships on the field

The health of a missionary team is of vital importance, and has become a strategic priority at Mission to the World. The longevity of a ministry, the credibility of the gospel witness before nationals, and the spiritual wellbeing of each missionary are all profoundly shaped by the quality of relationships within the team.

During my years serving overseas with Mission to the World, I came to recognize that, just as couples entering a marriage need a clear understanding of both the challenges ahead and the commitment required to sustain a healthy relationship, prospective missionaries likewise need a realistic awareness of the demands of team life and a willingness to actively contribute to a healthy team dynamic.

Fellow missionaries are often far more than simply co-workers. They may also be your neighbors, your pastor, your children’s friends’ parents, your child’s teacher, your doctor, and the closest equivalent you have to an accountability partner.

When I joined a church-planting team overseas, I was already aware that conflict with teammates is one of the primary reasons that missionaries leave the field, so I was determined to do all I could to contribute to the health of the team. But conflict is inevitable in any meaningful relationship, and missionary teams, I discovered, are uniquely high-stakes relationships. Fellow missionaries are often far more than simply co-workers. They may also be your neighbors, your pastor, your children’s friends’ parents, your child’s teacher, your doctor, and the closest equivalent you have to an accountability partner. At the same time, they, too, are deeply committed and personally invested in the ministry, having likewise left behind home, comfort, and familiarity to bring their families overseas for the sake of the work.

So when complicated grievances take place, how should a missionary respond to honor both the gospel and their team? And what safeguards can be put in place to proactively cultivate resilient relationships?

What if we chose to believe the best?

A few years into my time overseas I attended Area Retreat, a week-long time of rest, fellowship, and training for all the MTW missionaries serving in our region of the world. During that retreat, one training session struck me as especially significant. Two missionary wives spoke honestly about a commitment the adults on their team had made to one another from the very beginning: They had agreed that they would always choose to believe the best about each other. Even when circumstances left room for doubt or misunderstanding, they had determined to pursue the most charitable interpretation of one another’s words and actions.

I remember thinking, “Wow!  What a profound commitment—and what a difference it must make.” 

Much like marriage, life on a missionary team positions you to see both the strengths and the weaknesses of those around you, and unlike many other relationships, these are not people you can simply distance yourself from or “unfriend.” Choosing as a matter of principle to believe the best in one another is no small thing. Yet I have come to believe that this commitment is a beautiful expression of Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” And it’s also a powerful safeguard against the kind of relational fractures that can deeply wound both people and ministry.

Just as Adam and Eve assumed the worst of God’s good boundaries for them in the Garden of Eden, we too, as fallen human beings, are naturally prone to assume the worst about others and their actions. Yet because God is actively at work in the world and has stamped His image upon every person, believers are called to extend grace to others and choose a posture of believing the best.

Because God is actively at work in the world and has stamped His image upon every person, believers are called to extend grace to others and choose a posture of believing the best.

Missionary agencies like Mission to the World provide biblical conflict management training for new missionaries, along with member care services to support workers during seasons of crisis. Even so, for those pursuing a missionary calling, a deep commitment to extending grace is of utmost importance. Throughout a missionary’s service they will have ample opportunity to take offense, feel misunderstood, or experience disappointment whether in relationships with teammates, nationals, friends and family back home, or even their ministry supporters. Cultivating a posture of believing the best about others, even when doing so is difficult, will go a long way to equip someone for a vibrant, enduring witness to Christ.

I am deeply grateful for the ways my time serving overseas with Mission to the World challenged and stretched me in my relationships with others. I know I still have much to learn when it comes to believing the best about people, yet the training, encouragement, and refining experiences I encountered as a missionary profoundly shaped me. The lessons I learned there continue to influence the way I seek to relate to others today—as a church member, coworker, family member, and friend.

Considering service with Mission to the World? Browse opportunities or fill out a Get Started form at mtw.org/serve.

Subscribe for News and Articles.

Get good news every week! Subscribe to Stories & More for stories of God's work, videos from the missions field, and a wide range of missions topics.